149/365 - Tweens

Friday, May 29, 2015

A change in the weather brought us a perfectly fantastic afternoon!

I trapped myself in my office for most of the day in order to meet a deadline. I finished the bulk of my work around 2, and I gave myself a quick break outside. The weather was absolutely perfect: warm, not hot; sunny, not overbearing; breezy, not windy.

I immediately decided dinner al fresco was in store for us. 

On our drive to the Fu, I became keenly aware that something had changed within the sound dynamic of our typical car rides. I realized we weren't talking and laughing and asking questions of each other. In place of our normal "volume," all I could hear was the slight, hollow thump of bass...a quick look around the car at a stoplight explained to me that both girls were totally into their phones, earbuds in place, listening to their own music.


Okay, fine. I took full advantage of the opportunity to turn my music up a smidge louder, and for the first time in a long time, I sang without anyone rolling their eyes at me or correcting me on my pitch or the words to the song (it all started with Jose Cuervo - I thought it was "Homesick werewolf, you are a friend of mine..."). 

I was happy and sad at the same time. 

My girls are growing up.

We're teetering on the angsty teen years. 

But we aren't there yet. 

We are so close, but we're not there yet. 

We walked into the Fu, all of us slightly thrown off by the awkward noisy silence of our car ride, and when it was our turn to be seated, the waitress asked if we wanted coloring pages. I cautiously looked at the girls, careful to make no sudden movements or direct eye contact, and they both enthusiastically accepted the offer for coloring pages and crayons. 

A tiny victory in the midst of pending angst, end of the kid years, transition to the teens. 

I will happily take this reprieve right now. 

Recently, I've found myself saying "You aren't strong enough to endure these next few years - you just aren't - you're too sensitive..." but deep down, I know I am plenty strong. Maybe it's just easier to believe I'm not strong enough. Maybe it's the superstition going back to when my mom yelled at me (times 20 to the power of infinity), "I hope one day you have a daughter, and SHE'S EXACTLY LIKE YOU!"

All things considered, I'd like to think I handled myself pretty well for a girl who pretty much raised herself all on her own from the age of 13. I was fortunate to have open invitations from friends during the big holidays, and I honestly fought some of the hardest circumstances I can imagine a kid having to face. Most importantly, I handled myself well enough to end a vicious cycle. 

The girls and I - we're teetering on the angsty teen years, but we aren't there...yet. 

When we get there, I will know that my mom's "curse" actually, thankfully, came true. My daughters will be almost exactly like me:
-they will be strong enough to bear the brunt of anything life presents to them;
-they will be wise enough to recognize unconditional love when they see it;
-they will be confident enough to know they have truck loads of family support that will literally carry them through anything life sends their way. 

I can see this strength in both of them. I am proud of myself for creating a strong foundation for them. I am thankful that I can focus solely on providing for them. I adore the twinkle in their eyes that says, "nothing can get in my way." I love when they tell me (or anyone) thank you because they recognize the leaders in their life and that it takes a village to create well-rounded people, and they appreciate those who contribute to their village. 

To summarize tonight, I love that we are somewhere in the middle of earbuds, tons of love, iPhones, a safe home, crayons, confidence, games I don't know, helpful and loving adults, familiar coloring pages, a world full of lessons the easy way (instead of the hard way), and a playground full of laughter. 

For today - and maybe forever, I wouldn't have it any other way. 

Oh - and we're now settled in and snuggled up with The Breakfast Club. 







Tomorrow, we will help Wimberley - I think we're emotionally prepared, but I could be wrong...

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