Dear June

Friday, March 21, 2014

Dear June Bugs,

(Or phyllophaga, order of coleoptera, as I've heard you like to be called in formal settings...)

In case you haven't been informed, it's only March 21st.

You're a little early to the party, and that is in direct violation of Emily Post's Party Manners 101.

According to my etiquette resources, arriving early is a major faux pas, and you should actually aim to arrive between 5-15 minutes of the time posted on your invitation (which, by the way, I did not send to you). I did some calculations, and this makes your suggested arrival time somewhere around July 4. 

There are a few other pointers you might want to review including moderation, staying out of the kitchen, being a helpful guest (not a harmful one with those powerful mandibles), and most importantly - leaving with the pack. Here's a link for you to peruse as you travel back to wherever it is you came from. 

Tremendous thanks for your consideration of this matter.


P.S. - Sorry about your fallen comrade. I was not expecting him this early, and my shoe accidentally turned into a mortal weapon.

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