Twice the Fun

Saturday, December 14, 2013

I feel like I've done a fair job of taming my Elf posts in the last couple of years - for awhile there, I was a little out of control, and I was secretly hoping for an Elf interventionist somewhere around the 8th day of Christmas. I know there are lots of anti-Elf people out there, but I'm definitely not wired to be one of them (and I'm definitely not wired to not be one of them).

When Jerry the Tiny Elf finally made his way back to our house this year (on Nov. 28), the girls immediately had a whole slew of questions for him.

What do you do in the off-season, Jerry? 

What's your side job? Do you moonlight?

WHY DOES OUR MOM ONLY TRY TO DIVERT OUR ATTENTION AWAY FROM THE BOOK AISLE AT TARGET IN NOVEMBER AND DECEMBER, JERRY?

What sports do you like? 

Jerry, how exactly do you make it to and from the North Pole every single night?

WHY DID OUR DAD GET ALL TONGUE-TIED AND STUTTER-Y WHEN WE ASKED HIM ABOUT THE ELVES AT TARGET LAST WEEK, JERRY?

Where's your coat, young man?

Is there a Mrs. Jerry? 

WHY ARE THERE ELVES FOR SALE AT TARGET, JERRY?

Have you ever considered capitalizing on your fame and marketing yourself for some of the other well-recognized holidays, Jerry? 

So, tell me, Jerry, how exactly does this whole Elf thing work, and what do you do to give back to charitable causes each year?

WHY THE @*%&! # HELL ARE THERE ELVES FOR SALE AT TARGET, JERRY!?!?

You know, casual, non-heavy, light-hearted questions like those.

Jerry the Tiny Elf did a decent job of fielding those questions, but he also accidentally left a heart on one of his letters that Jay deemed to be very similar to the hearts I draw.

JFTB, I need you (and your left handed chicken squabble and cute candy cane ginger bread architect-esque sketches).

Every since then, Jerry the Tiny Elf has been trying to lay a little lower than usual, has refrained from leaving any more notes, and has been hanging onto his receipts strictly for the purposes of charitable tax write-offs.

These are tough times, people.

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

And because I'm the anxious worrier analytic type, I started to realize that the reason they were asking about an extra Elf is because they are ridiculously competitive with one another, and I deduced that a second Elf just might be the key to allowing them to each have "ownership" of a visitor (and for the record, I absolutely and completely realize that this is the Elf equivalent of "a trophy for every kid, winners and losers alike." Judge me if you want - I'm at the point of "It's just whatever...").

And perhaps, if we are hypothetically talking about the future, an Elf for each of them would allow each child to have (in 24 and 27 years in the future when they're allowed to get married and start families of their own (35 is the magical number you're looking for...)) an Elf of their own.

Hypothetically speaking, of course.

My biggest struggle with this whole "two-Elf household" concept has been figuring out how a second Elf would magically appear without blatantly obliging the Target retail gods. Oh, and also I needed a really good back story in order for this gig to properly play itself out.

Last night while the girls were at a sleepover, I had a decent idea.

Those don't happen too often.

I thought, What if Jerry the Tiny Elf faced a weather diversion on his way from Texas back to the North Pole? And he stopped for the night in Kansas City (okay, fine, my first choice for a layover stop was Carey, Indiana), because he's a safe and responsible Elf and he isn't crazy about taking unnecessary risks? And while he's temporarily diverted, the lovely people at the North Pole rerouted another wayward Elf to our home? 

And furthermore, what if said Elf's origin was via B+N instead of TGT?

Two birds. One stone.

Score, y'all.

After my mad (and I do mean mad) dash to my 2nd favorite bookseller (RIP Borders), a second Elf was successfully ascertained and smuggled back home.

My next hurdle was to determine a name for said substitute Elf.

Jerry the Tiny Elf...

Jerry and Tom?  Too obvious.

Jerry and Jeff? Too goofy, even for Texans.

Jerry and Elaine Benes? Not very Christmas-y.

Elaine Jingle Benes? Too many obvious references to strippers and North poles.

Jerry and George...Hmmmm...

George Costanza...this could work.

I am pretty sure I am much too excited about this, but I cannot wait for the girls to meet George Cocoa Stanza when they wake up tomorrow morning!!

Long story short, let's allow us to go back to the beginning of this post. If you know of any good Elf interventionists, we still might be in need of one around here in the very near future.

Thank you CNN, Chicago, Mother Nature, and Barnes and Noble for providing the perfect storm for welcoming a new Elf into our home!!


I think Jerry the Tiny Elf and George Cocoa Stanza are going to get in lots of trouble together...that's how it should be, right?

I figured there was no better place for George to make his grand appearance...than napping under the girls' desk.


Hopefully someday they'll get my sense of humor?

Peace...

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