the inevitable guilt of murder tail

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

browning's wicked case of murder tail (a.k.a. 'happy' tail') has come back into our lives this summer. i have probably bought/used at least 15 cans of scrubbing bubbles and as many rolls of paper towels in a nearly constant effort to keep my house from looking like a crime scene.

i am so sick of the smell of scrubbing bubbles and what it's doing to my hands, but i love my dog. and my children love my dog. so i will continue cleaning up after his paint brush tail that just happens to have a bio hazardous, self-refilling, never-ending supply of ink.

yesterday i took a moderately brave leap of google faith and tried to find a product specifically made to get blood off of the walls without messing up the paint. if you haven't ever searched this, it is a real issue - i have also contemplated the effect of painting everything in my house below waist level a blood-friendly color, but that seems really gross in more ways than one.

anyway, the point is that the whole time i was google searching yesterday, i was also worrying about the nsa tracking my search terms. nothing can make my anxiety take a little spike more than worrying about my privacy.

today the girls and i went to lunch at chili's. i knew there was a group of police there by the cars in the parking lot. as soon as we walked in, they all turned to stare at us. it wasn't just a casual, small town glance. it was a full on stare. from an entire table of uniformed men. and it felt like it lasted forever.

i'm pretty sure all the blood drained from my face and i immediately thought, 'they know about my search! i'm probably on their to do list for this afternoon!' therefore, i did what any reasonable wrongly accused murder suspect would do: i started giving the girls lots of extra love and attention. because good moms only need to clean up blood for happy reasons - like dog tail accidents.


oh, good! that's what i thought, too.

lunch passed without incident, miranda, questioning, or incarceration, and shortly after, we went to the dreaded land of home depot. there we purchased a gallon of krud kutter, a spray bottle, and a small scrubby brush.

this purchase is a miracle to me. it is the yi jing of a healthy dog blood removal regimen. this afternoon, it has been my trifecta and i am on a mad mission to capture its power and use it for the greater good of the cleanliness of my home.

if you're on the lookout for something similar, trust me. krud kutter is amazing, it's bio-friendly, and there is absolutely no chemical odor. i'm a forever fan (and i'm conviction-free).


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