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Monday, April 22, 2013

i'm sure you'd never guess it by looking at their picture...most of the pictures i take of them seem to represent harmony.

truth be told, it takes a lot of work to get them to sit that close together, and our orchestras have been filled with a lot more cacophony than harmony lately.

i know, i know - it's part of having kids who are close in age. add two girls to that mix, and i've heard i just need to buckle up, find a sturdy helmet, and get ready for the ride.

bearing that in mind, i have noticed that jay is very quick to blame, and cee has lightning-fast reactions at denying. therefore, a couple of weeks ago i decided to introduce jay to the world of 'i statements' (thinking this would kill two birds with one stone, or at least maim them - i saw a chance for less blaming, and i saw a chance for less impulsion to deny). i'm sure you're familiar.

instead of saying, 'you are mean and selfish,' one might choose the words, 'i feel sad when you slam the door in my face, and i would like for you not to do that.'

this offers somewhat of a diversion and allows the speaker to put their feelings in the spotlight ahead of the offender's actions.

jay and i had a friendly banter of practice rounds, she got the hang of it pretty quickly, and we had fun with the simulation. we laughed and came up with some ridiculous scenarios, but ultimately, i felt like she got the gist of the 'i feel...' message.

fast forward to today. we're in the car, on the way to soccer practice. they were discussing a situation that happened over the weekend (i was out of town, they were filling me in), and as usual, there were two very different sides of the story.

i looked into the rear view mirror to get a temperature check on jay and before i knew it, i heard these six beautiful words...

'cee, i feel sad when you...'

i gave myself a mental high five! i declared that she had processed my message on a metacognitive level! she was transferring her learning to a real-life scenario!

my celebration came just a bit too early. what came next was....something....

'cee, i feel sad when not correctly remember how things actually happened in reality.'

whatever. you just have the story wrong.

'i feel upset because you...might have issues when it comes to remembering important details about things that happened two days ago.'

no i don't.

in a whisper, with a smile on her face, jay sweetly said, 'well, i  feel mad that you...have completely lost your mind and maybe you need to go get your brain checked out when dad takes you to the doctor to get your blood drawn next week.'

checkmate, eight year old.

(have i mentioned that cee is dreadfully afraid of needles and has sweet-talked her way out of the baseline cholesterol check for not one, but two, consecutive years?)

it seems that we need to review the fidelity and implementation of this little strategy.

oh well, i tried.



Anonymous said...

I'm so glad to know they bicker at times because I was about to send my two to live with you and your two since you are clearly better at raising girls that love and appreciate each other. And tell C that I managed to get out of that baseline cholesterol check until I was 32! I have faith she can dodge the blood draw for at least another 22 years! Xoxo Liz

it's just me... said...

Liz, we pulled a sneak attack. Their dad took them to the doctor today, and the needle won a hard fought battle. I was telling C how proud I was of her as I tucked her in tonight. She said, "Mom, to be honest, my fit about this whole thing was pretty epic today..." and she gave me a few details that I shouldn't share. I told her I probably need to call the doctor and apologize. There was a long pause, and she finally said, "You might want to call the nurse on that apology too...and maybe those sweet ladies at the front desk." Her level of stubborn gives mine a run for its money!! Miss you tons!!! Xoxo right back to you and your sweet family!

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