a mind-numbing little fix

Friday, March 29, 2013

sleep: it's a basic human right, but it doesn't ever come easily for me.

it isn't that i could take or leave sleep. the truth is that i love sleep. i want to sleep at night and i love a good nap, but for some reason, i just can't make myself sleep well.

my nights of really good sleep had gotten to be so few and far between that i was just about ready to give up entirely on the concept of sleep in early january, but instead i decided to see if there was anything my doctor could give me to help out with my sleepless nights (aka - after four nights of no sleep, my body started rebelling. literally.).

i opted for a low dose of ambien in january and it was divine. like really and truly divine.

but i had a caveat: i really only wanted five ambien. i've heard that it makes you do weird things in your sleep and i figured this whole 'lack of sleep' thing was something i needed to grab by the horns and conquer on my own.

i tried and tried to defy my insomnia for several days after my meticulously-rationed ambien ran out. my best efforts were futile, and so i went back to my doctor for more ambien. shockingly (and thankfully), my doctor had a better idea (at the time i thought it was a horrible idea):

'i think you may be suffering from anxiety, which can cause insomnia' she said.

'i'm not really the anxious type,' i replied.

'anxiety can take on many forms,' she continued.

'it's not anxiety. it's more like the moment my head hits the pillow, my brain goes into some sort of analytical overload where i feel compelled to revisit nearly everything i did that day. that's not anxiety, that's just my reflective nature,' i reasoned.

she smiled and nodded sweetly, handed me a prescription and an informational sheet on anxiety-induced insomnia, and muttered something about coming back in 30 days.

i filled the prescription, and i proceeded to enjoy 30 days of the best sleep i've ever had in my whole entire life.

two days before i ran out of this miracle sleeping gem, i called my pharmacy for a refill.

the refill was declined, which felt like the medical equivalent of a bounced check....something about going back to the doctor for a 30 day follow-up.

i decided that i didn't really need medicine to help me sleep, and i was certain that i wasn't suffering from anxiety.

and for the last twenty-four days, i have pretty regularly tossed and turned and stared at the ceiling night after night.

last weekend i started looking a little deeper into the causes of insomnia and possible remedies.

i stumbled across brain-wave-changing 'music' (no thanks), i devoured a lot of information on acupuncture (not a fan of needles), and i contemplated cryo therapy (except i love being warm and toasty).

after reading about the holistic options, i have conceded: i probably qualify as someone with mild anxiety. but  not the same type that causes dogs to hide when a storm is coming, and not the type that causes people not to leave their house. i prefer to call my type 'redundantly-obsessive-deeply-reflective-analysis-on-a-possibly-too-frequent-basis.' that sounds a lot better, don't you think?

regardless, i was all smiles today when i finally went back to my doctor for that 30 (or nearly 60) day follow up appointment.

and tonight, i know i'm going to sleep like a baby, thanks to some fairly innocuous little white pills that i have unlimited access to for the next 180 days.


as a closing thought, i have a completely unrelated question for you with regards to north korea:

does anybody else think that maybe we should ease up a little on  how we're taunting kim jong un ? i'm totally guilty - i tweeted a facetious article today about him targeting austin. but just in case, i'm not sure we can be too careful with paying a certain amount of caution to the situation at hand. to me, this is beginning to feel a little bit like a nuclear nanny nanny boo boo with a hot-headed, short-fused 28 year old.

and that worries me (not enough to keep me up tonight, but it worries me).

okay - i get to take a double dose of my little sleep aid tonight to happily reacquaint my body with a normal amount of real sleep. all in all, i'd have to say that it's been a good friday, people!!

peace (and sweet dreams)...

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