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Wednesday, February 20, 2013

yesterday marked the fourth anniversary of my divorce, and what an incredible four years it's been!

someone was asking me about my relationship with the girls' dad yesterday, and that's what made me remember it was the 19th. i told her that she'd just reminded me of my fourth 'divorce-a-versary'...her immediate reaction was to hug me and tell me it would be alright.

but that wasn't what i was feeling at all. not even close!

i have been happier in the last couple of years than i can remember being in a very, very long time.

like, maybe, ever.

i'm at an incredibly comfortable place in my life - i have two amazing little ladies who entertain me daily; i get to freely make my own choices every single day; i am completely responsible for my mistakes, and i am equally responsible for my achievements.

i was reading what bossy had to say last thursday, and i had a mini-epiphany while reading about her ex.

if i had a nickel dime for every time someone asked me when the girls' dad and i were getting back together, i would be banking. part of our deal when we split up was that we would always co-parent our amazing daughters. always, no matter what.

if i had a dime quarter for every time someone complimented the two of us for how we co-parent, i would be five years away from retirement. we made a deal with each other, and we stuck to it.

if i had a quarter dollar for every time someone asked me why we don't get back together, i would be able to home school the girls from our dreamy home smack-dab in the middle of some fabulous tropical wonderland.

not to wax all taylor swift on you, but we are never getting back together.

period. 

it isn't as though we were sixteen and we got in an argument about prom. our divorce was a very sound decision that centered around very adult, very real issues. it was too far gone when it ended, but this isn't something that you can easily explain to very many people.

so here was my epiphany on divorces: some are nasty, some are painful, and a few are beautiful; on-lookers will struggle to make much sense of the mess, the aftermath can be a disaster, and no two will ever look exactly the same.

kind of like childbirth. or puppies.

i am so happy with how far we have both come in four years as individuals.

i am so pleased with how we've managed to forge a parenting relationship that is entirely kid-centered.

whenever i see divorced parents who don't talk to each other, i don't judge. i do feel bad for their kids (that's a sucky place to be), but i honestly don't judge because i can vouch for the fact that getting to this point has been anything but easy. on the contrary, it has been very hard and tedious work.

i'm glad i was able to walk away from a situation that was no good for me without burning a bridge and instead ending up with a pretty cool friendship (said the world's biggest grudge holder).

if you would have asked me four years ago if i thought we'd be friends one day, i would have replied with a quick and resounding, 'no way. never.'

if you asked me today if i'd have it any other way than how it is now, i'd have the exact same reply.

and that's all i have to say about that. :)

peace...

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