common confusions

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

we have had some common confusions in our world lately. i find these to be a necessary ingredient in the spice of life.

common confusion 1: we are big fans of cooking shows in this house. huge. yesterday we were watching chopped or iron chef (i can't remember which) and the ingredient 'octopus' was on one of the menus. there was an up-close camera shot of the appendages, and cee crawls into my lap, takes my face in her hands, and says to me in a very somber voice, 'oh my god. i've heard about this, but i didn't think it was actually true.' i asked for elaboration, and she said, 'i heard that some people cook testicles...i just thought it was a joke! that's so, so wrong.' sadly, this isn't the first time we've confused our 't-' words...

common confusion 2: daytime t.v. offers a host of perils for curious kids that can really catch a parent off-guard. today we were flipping through channels and suddenly i realized we were watching 'a baby story' which is all good and well because birth is a beautiful thing (most of the time). thankfully, our viewing time started immediately post-birth. jay says, 'oh my gosh. that baby's extension cord is green. is it supposed to be green? i don't think it's supposed to be green. that is so wrong.' and then the camera had the audacity to show the up-close-and-personal shot, and cee had a well-timed comment about the baby boy's tentacles. it would have made me proud...if it was an octopus.

clearly we need some re-teaching.

common confusion 3: crazy people...i have always ascertained that there are different brands of crazy people. some you can mess with, while others shouldn't be touched with a ten-foot pole. we met the avoid-at-all-cost type last week. we'd just gotten back in our car at academy. a cab was parked next to us. i was getting the girls' things out of the shopping bag to hand to them (so it would be 'fair' on the way home) when we heard a thud against our car.

some {crazy} man had literally walked smack into my car. i promise you my keys weren't even in the ignition, and this guy went into a full-feldged conniption fit and started *yelling* at me (we could hear him very clearly even though the windows were up). he was a huge fan of the 'f' word and was hollering at me about the audicity i had to run over him (with my un-started car).

if he had a mute button, you could have heard a pin drop in my car - the girls were wide-eyed and completely shocked.

it was an impressive emotional outburst, but also kind of scary (because of my ten-foot pole theory). i felt bad for the cab driver who probably had to endure the rest of his rant, i felt bad that the girls had to see his tantrum, and i actually felt a little bad for him.

as we pulled out of the parking lot, jay said in a whisper, 'mom, that guy just gave you the number one with his middle finger. and i think we should call the police. like right now. but it's okay...don't let your feelings be hurt because i'm pretty sure he has issues.'

issues indeed.

common confusion 4: my girls are under the impression that i am a good (and talented) chef. i am neither. i can cook a mean stack of pancakes...but this morning they wanted me to make them pancakes in the shape of hearts. and their initials. as i struggled to make the 'c' and the 'j' (and don't even get me started on the hearts), i found myself wondering why i didn't name them olivia and opal.

this would benefit me and my pancake efforts, but it would also benefit you because instead of 'cee', you would know her as 'oh', and instead of 'jay', you would know her as 'double oh' (and she's seven). that would be weird. and awesome.

common confusion 5: i feel like i have a magnet effect with birds - apparently they like me (and my chimney. and my porch. and my bird feeders.), and i kind of like them. in a good/appreciates-nature kind of way (unlike my super sweet friend who is certain that my porch birds have jihadist kamikaze vendettas to settle with her). just before i started this post, a bird (a dove, i believe), was trying to get into my house via my sliding glass door (which was closed). see?

i couldn't find my regular camera (read: it was not in my immediate reach), so i used my iphone. i realize the quality is sub-par, and i'm not trying to be all look-at-my-lochness-monster-picture-slash-image-of-the-virgin-mary-in-my-grilled-cheese-sandwich on you...

...but this is a bird, and it wanted in my house. so technically, i have a baby beyonce, and the dove is simply saying 'knock knock...'

i have no idea what the moral of my story is, but think of this as a cautionary tale: know your vocabulary, know your brands of crazy, think carefully before you name your kids, and know when to say 'no' to birds.

that's my advice for today, and that's all for now.



Tina said...

That is funny stuff! I needed a good laugh ~ thanks girl!

Mama O. said...

OMG, weeping. Extension cord. Number one with middle finger. Wee-ping.

it's just me... said...

thanks for the sweet comments, ladies!! :)

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